 Martial Edge looks into the harsh reality of domestic violence and its influence within the self defence perspectives of female martial artists. How far can studying the martial arts help those who have been abused in rebuilding their lives and redevelop self confidence? Lesley Jackson investigates.
Women; beware of the danger within your own homes. I’m not talking about slipping in the bath or scalding yourself when boiling water or burning yourself when taking out a casserole from the oven; we are speaking about a hurt that is much more damaging and insidious and if not dealt with, fatal. This menace is more dangerous than walking home alone at night or driving down the M25 in rush hour; it invades our bodies, minds and even our children. In some shape or form it will affect one in four females in Britain sometime in their lives and kills two women a week. What is this threat, this danger that maims and kills our women on such a regular basis? I am speaking of domestic violence. It is a crime that is as old as the hills, yet until recently was largely ignored by the authorities and in some societies, culturally acceptable.
So how do we define domestic violence, and what does it have to do with martial arts? According to ‘Women’s Aid’, the British domestic violence charity, it is, “physical, sexual, psychological or financial violence that takes place within an intimate or family-type relationship and that forms a pattern of coercive and controlling behaviour.” In other words being beaten, sexually assaulted or mentally tortured by your husband, boyfriend, father or brother. And most shockingly of all, for those two women a week who are unable to escape their situation, murder. Unfortunately though, learning a martial art in time to heroically save both you and your children from the jaws of danger, like Jennifer Lopez becoming an expert in Krav Maga in the space of a month in the film ‘Enough’, just isn’t going to happen. However, there is a two-tiered discussion to have here; the way martial arts can be adjusted to accommodate a woman’s self-defence needs and how they can take part in a victim’s recovery.
Male verses Female Attack Scenario
From what I’ve experienced so far, most martial arts’ self defence systems seem to be centred around the ‘stranger attack’ scenario, which is a very male oriented method of attack and defence. That is, being subjected to a random attack by one or more strangers whilst out alone. For example, in ITF Taekwondo the one-step sparring we do towards our black belt grades always start with a right-handed punch followed by a left-handed one; whereby we cultivate a series of defence and counter-attacks that the student creates for themselves based upon their own physical and skill strengths. This is, of course, a very useful exercise as you learn to repeatedly ingrain certain combinations so that they become automatic responses. However, it is the male who is most at risk of a random stranger attack, such as being beaten up after a night at the pub. A woman is actually much more at risk of being beaten in her own home (according to the Cambridgeshire Police statistics, between 5pm and 1am at the weekend and during football matches) and although she is still at risk of being attacked in the street in this manner, it is actually a much rarer occurrence than the media would have us believe.
Amy Norman in her book ‘Living with the Devil’ portrays her own personal experience of a violent partner with this vivid description of a typical beating she would be subjected to:
“He punched me so hard in the stomach, still holding me firmly in the chair with this other hand. He then picked me up and threw me as hard as he could into the wall: I crashed through the plaster board, landing on the other side. That was the last thing I remember.”
One step sparring is a very good exercise as anyone can benefit from being able to defend themselves from a punch to the face. However, what it cannot always prepare you for is being dragged along the carpet by your hair, being kicked in the stomach when you are pregnant (a lot of spousal abuse starts during a woman’s first pregnancy) or having cigarettes stubbed out on your arms or legs. Most of all though, it cannot prepare you for the emotional impact of being continually run down and belittled to the point where you feel utterly worthless and dependant on a person who is supposedly there to love and protect you and your children. Therefore, as well as the usual and useful defences against style-specific attacks that a martial art prepares us for, some women also need to learn environmental awareness and strategies of escape from a potentially fatal domestic situation. These could include finding the safest place in the house to go should you suspect your partner is about to become violent and making a ‘leaving plan’ whereby you can get to a place of safety with your children and your essential items such as identification, money and telephone numbers of a refuge. In fact, according to Women’s Aid, “the period during which a woman is planning or making her exit, is often the most dangerous time for her and her children.” Consequently, this information could save her life as much as learning the high section turning kick in Hwa-Rang.
After She has Left
However, the effects of domestic violence do not immediately disappear when a woman has made the brave move of finally leaving her brutal partner. Apart from the fact that she is still in danger of being attacked by her perpetrator when she has left, the after affects of domestic violence can be devastating and this is an area where martial arts can have a huge beneficial effect. According to the World Health Organisation, “Violence against women has serious consequences for their physical and mental health. Abused women are more likely to suffer from depression, anxiety, psychosomatic systems, eating problems and sexual dysfunction.” This is an area that a martial art could aid a woman’s recovery from a violent relationship.
The very act of entering a training hall will empower a woman once she has made the decision to take control of her life again. The physical training and self-defence skills she learns will, of course, help her to fight off another potential attack from her violent partner but the boost to her confidence will increase exponentially. Caroline Baker from the online women’s magazine ‘Bella Online’ speaks of, “self-respect and self-esteem are the innate lessons that we learn while we get on the mat to punch, kick or do forms.” By enabling a woman with the tools of self-defence she will feel much better about herself and not feel she needs anyone else’s approval for her existence. She will also make some strong, healthy friendships with people who respect her for the person she is and hopefully, prevent herself from entering another violent relationship. It is this self-worth a martial art gives you that is key to an ex-victim’s recovery and gives her her life back again. One ex-victim of domestic violence that I spoke to described how Taekwondo gave her the courage to leave her violent partner and gave her a place to go where she could not only learn the skills to defend herself both physically and mentally, but acted as a sanctuary where she was free to escape the grind of her abusive partner and do something she actually enjoyed.
Making Martial Arts More Approachable
We can list many benefits of why a female victim of domestic violence should take up a martial art but walking into the training hall takes a considerable amount of courage for anyone, let alone someone who has been emotionally and mentally worn down for several years. How can we encourage women who have experienced domestic violence to enter a martial arts training hall in the first place? The thought of entering an environment where men may be expressing controlled aggression would be alarming to an already traumatised woman; so perhaps some more female-only sessions that have been advertised at local refuges would encourage these vulnerable women to come along. One local Taekwondo instructor I spoke to who runs a ladies-only class mentioned the reasons for starting the class were, “to give women the chance to train in a ladies only environment so they don’t feel embarrassed about themselves.” In an ideal world these sessions could also be led by a female instructor, yet we must be careful not to demonise all men into the category of abuser. The majority of men reading this article will find the idea of beating a woman as repugnant as our female readers, so a sensitive male instructor would also suffice. Another strategy to encouraging victims to come and train would be for some female martial artists to actually go into the refuges (possibly wearing their dobok) and talk to the women themselves, thereby showing them that women are capable of becoming strong and proficient in a martial art. Lastly, if a woman has been referred to a martial arts class and she is known to have suffered from domestic violence, perhaps assigning her a female black belt mentor to encourage her and give her some attention would also give her the support she needs to keep up her training and to reap the benefits a martial art could arm her with.
Domestic violence is a crime that surrounds our society and occurs regardless of social class, race, gender or sexual orientation but it can be fought by increased awareness and a determination not to ‘put up’ with it and this is where martial arts can help; by giving women the tools to stand up for themselves and regain their lives that were once taken away by their abuser.
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