A chopsocky remake of The Dirty Dozen (as if we ever wondered) that features one of John Liu’s best performances and a feel-good rabble of comedic kung fu characters. Ben Johnson gets comfortable amongst the cheap seats.
Distributor: Dragon DVD Format: Region 2 PAL Length: 84 min. Aspect Ratio:Widescreen (2.35:1) Audio: English Subtitles: None Extras: Animated Menus, Animated Chapters, Dragon DVD Trailers, Soulblade Trailers. Sound:Stereo
Year of Release: 1979; Origin: Taiwan; Studio: Golden Sun Film Co.
Director: Cheung San-yee ; Producer: Wu Yu-yun; Screenplay: Huang Jo-pe; Cinematography: Chuang Yin-chien; Music: Huang Mou-shan; Action Director: Robert Tai Chi-hsien; Cast: John Liu Chung-liang, Alexander Lo Rei, Robert Tai Chi-hsien, Alan Chui Chung-san, Ma Chin-ku, Ting Wa-chun, Wong Chi San, Ricky Cheng Tien-chi, Paul Wei Ping-ao.
Alternative Titles: Kung Fu Commandos (US title)
Trailer: Click below to view the trailer for Incredible Kung Fu Mission
Plot Synopsis
Ching Dynasty, China : Lo Tung (Wong Chi San), a high-flying business sort with a mullet, visits the evil, cape wearing bleach-blond prissy Lu Ping (Robert Tai) at the Warlord’s sedimentary hideout with the intention to buy back unlucky prisoner Chin Chang-fang. Lu Ping is the sort of governmental slave-herder who kidnaps plucky renegade peasantry, locks them inside metal cages and tortures them until they squeal, revealing information on other anti-Ching revolutionaries. Ching has not caved in as yet, so Lo Tung hits on the idea of hiring local hero Cheh Tin-kang (John Liu) to lead a suicidal death mission into the heart of the Warlord’s liar to recover the kidnapped Chin and restore national unity.
It won’t be easy, though, because instead of hiring professional kung fu fighters, Cheh is assigned a team of clueless misfits who can barely stand up. Lets meet the team: there is hulking meathead Tai Li-sun (Ma Chin-ku), the only fighter in the group who wrestles like an angry ostrich; ‘Shorty’ Shou (Alan Chui), he’s a coffin-maker; Chow (Ting Wa-chun) is a waiter in a brothel; Hung (Ricky Cheng) is an expert juggler who can also toss a wine jug; and there’s Li Ching (Alexander Lo), a carpenter by trade. The high-kicking Cheh plans a gruelling schedule to turn them from yawning bumpkins into a super killer death force in merely a matter of weeks. He has them running beneath pointed bamboo (‘Aw! I hurt my ass!’), thrashing out hopelessly against wooden poles, eating sugar off the floor while beating them with sticks. Cheh’s a ruthless teacher, part Sgt. Hartman and part Murdoch from The A-Team. For a special treat, he sends the boys off to a brothel, only for the rich Master Chan (Paul Wei) and his thugs to beat the living crap out of them. Their confidence shook, Cheh’s team start to respect their teacher and train especially hard, and when it is time for the rematch, the boys storm the brothel in Venom-style colour co-ordination and use elaborate teamwork to quash Master Chan and his brainless cronies.
They’re ready for the big push then, but in order for them to enter the Warlord’s territory, they must disguise themselves as a troop of travelling acrobats (Chow dons drag, looking alarmingly good). Their cover is blown when one of Chow’s breasts falls out, and an assortment of traps and ambushes are arranged to subdue our travelling mercenaries. One of these sees Hung take a spear in his side. One man down, Cheh takes three of them up the side of a cliff to enter the Warlord’s fortress, while Li Ching sneaks in underneath a carriage. Tai takes it for the team when he reaches the cliff-top, while Li Ching is spotted and taken hostage by the Warlord himself, tied up and tortured with hot irons and the like. Cheh and whoever’s left storm the grounds and rescue prisoner Chin, battling with an entourage of the Warlord’s lackeys. The devilishly camp Warlord uses his cape to disguise a crippling finishing move which sees him impale unsuspecting victims with his own fingers, a neat trick, which is utilised well on Li Ching, who bites it, while ‘Shorty’ and Chow, who never really got on, die in unison. This leaves Cheh and his lethal legs to kick the Warlord into a bloody mess, which he does adequately, with a little help from an almost-dead Li Ching, who’s final act of valour comes in holding back the Big Man’s cape for Cheh to pulverise him to atoms. A punch in the Warlord’s neck seals the deal.
With most of the cast dead, Cheh’s ‘incredible’ kung fu mission turns out to be a horribly tragic one in hindsight, and this only gets worse when a cunning plot twist reveals that Lo Tung, who masterminded the whole damn thing, only did it to lure out Chin Chang-fang so that he could kill him for murdering his brother! Cheh, who must be ruing the day he ever agreed to this, then does battle with Lo Tung after he kills Chin. After a furious kick in the groin, Lo is silenced for good, leaving Cheh the only living soul left in the movie, and a CV that would now completely discard him from any future missionary employment.
Review
Cheung San-yee put in a lot of effort into this Taiwan independent, a mock Seven Samurai with spaghetti western leanings met by a delightful pastiche on The Dirty Dozen. I use the term ‘pastiche’ lightly, instead of words like ‘stealing’ or ‘hardcore rip-off’, which is evident right down to the rousing Magnificent Seven soundtrack. The effect is pleasingly quirky: both war movie and spaghetti western with buckets of chopsocky, but with an undeniable charm all of its own. Where it works well is in the charismatic appeal of the ensemble cast, and Cheung’s light-hearted approach that allows each character to really shine. John Liu is as stoic as ever, however, stalking the screen with a face like a burnt sandwich. But Liu always looks his best when he doesn’t have to act too much, and thankfully he leaves the more comedic moments to the guys who are actually quite funny – mainly Alan Choi and Ricky Cheng. Liu acts with his legs, a barrage of trademark moves that fans agree form the best showcase of the man’s talents. But this is as much Robert Tai’s film as anybody’s, not only the Bee-Gee bashing bad-guy with the magical cape but also the movie’s martial arts choreographer, who’s direction is strained slightly over the course of the film’s relentless succession of fight scenes, and not quite up to scratch with what Golden Harvest were doing around the same time, but still adequately exciting and entertaining. Tai would later be remembered for his Ninja movies with this film’s always-exciting co-star, Alexander Lo. Director Cheung also shows promise beyond his standard off-beat independent mould (his other films include another John Liu helmer Shaolin Ex-Monk), making the most out of Taiwan’s luscious landscapes and a stony quarry-like set utilized in a number of other, slightly similar, kung fu pictures – like the Dorian Tan film Blood Treasury Fight, which also borrows the familiar incredible kung fu mission set-up.
I suppose the lesson is that it doesn’t matter who comes up with the idea first, but who does it better. The fact is, I don’t recall Lee Marvin having to battle a mullet-bashing kung fu Warlord wearing a cape in The Dirty Dozen, so you know who gets my vote. Cheung’s film is sheer entertainment, a cult-pleaser and late-night favorite, the sort of thing you’d cheer at.
A chopsocky remake of The Dirty Dozen (as if we ever wondered) that features one of John Liu’s best performances and a feel-good rabble of comedic kung fu characters. Ben Johnson gets comfortable amongst the cheap seats. 
They’re ready for the big push then, but in order for them to enter the Warlord’s territory, they must disguise themselves as a troop of travelling acrobats (Chow dons drag, looking alarmingly good). Their cover is blown when one of Chow’s breasts falls out, and an assortment of traps and ambushes are arranged to subdue our travelling mercenaries. One of these sees Hung take a spear in his side. One man down, Cheh takes three of them up the side of a cliff to enter the Warlord’s fortress, while Li Ching sneaks in underneath a carriage. Tai takes it for the team when he reaches the cliff-top, while Li Ching is spotted and taken hostage by the Warlord himself, tied up and tortured with hot irons and the like. Cheh and whoever’s left storm the grounds and rescue prisoner Chin, battling with an entourage of the Warlord’s lackeys. The devilishly camp Warlord uses his cape to disguise a crippling finishing move which sees him impale unsuspecting victims with his own fingers, a neat trick, which is utilised well on Li Ching, who bites it, while ‘Shorty’ and Chow, who never really got on, die in unison. This leaves Cheh and his lethal legs to kick the Warlord into a bloody mess, which he does adequately, with a little help from an almost-dead Li Ching, who’s final act of valour comes in holding back the Big Man’s cape for Cheh to pulverise him to atoms. A punch in the Warlord’s neck seals the deal. 
(0 vote)
